Fine Lines
a little thought dump of things that have been on my mind lately
"It's a teaching moment for you."
No, it's a learning moment for them, not a teaching moment for me.
"Maybe this team just isn't compatible"
Dangerous, because who is this team/work environment not compatible for - and is it just me or are there more?
"Just talk to them about it."
If I thought I could talk to them about it, I wouldn't be talking to you about it, would I?
These phrases all toe the line to me. On one hand, maybe they're reasonable, but on the other hand, maybe they're blaming the person who has spoken out about an uncomfortable situation?
I've been hearing these phrases - or some version of them - a lot lately, and they’ve been really starting to bother me. At face value, all of them are ways to tell someone else to maybe approach the situation differently. And maybe that's okay in certain situations, but I certainly don't think it's fair to do in all situations.
I hope the next time you come across these phrases in conversation, you can think a little bit hard about what they imply, and push back. Is it really a moment where the person who has been made to feel uncomfortable has to teach the other person - perhaps a manager - to do better? Is it really a team that just doesn't gel with one person - or is there a deeper pattern? Is it really fair to tell someone who has come to you for help about someone else that just need to go back and talk it out with a person they feel uncomfortable with?
Ultimately, I think all of these phrases deserve a deeper dive, but I hope that what I've left here makes you think a little bit, and hopefully inspires a different conversation the next time they come up.